The Fringe

Life on the NFL bubble

I have been cut 7 times by NFL teams. Some call it a failure, others call it success. What do I make of it, well, I’m chasing a dream.

Everyone dreams, some people chase those dreams, but few get so close they can see it, feel it, hold it in their hand. Some grip firm. Their names shine in lights, the envy of people everywhere. Ego fills them, and praise is heaped upon them. A select few, however, reach out, grab onto that dream and it melts through their fingers like a fist full of sand.

Whatever it was that captured your attention as a young boy or girl, it lit your world. In the world of sports, the first time your dad took you to Fenway Park, or the local college football game, or simply your hometown’s high school basketball game, it was there that your dream took root. You saw David Ortiz drive one 410 into the bullpen, or Johnny Manziel create magic, or Josh Carter, the local high school standout point guard drain a mid range jumper to topple the #1 team in the state at the buzzer, and you were hooked.

You went to bed that night and couldn’t stop dreaming up scenarios where you were the next… in their shoes. It became your obsession. You didn’t just dream of winning the State Championship and hitting the game winning shot. Every free second you added to the storyline. I mean, obviously how could you dream of winning the state championship if you don’t know how you are going to get there.

Your train of thought rambled.

“Open up with a blowout win. Go on a 5 game win streak. Then we drop one in a close game with our rival. Then a 3 game win streak. I’m averaging 20. No, that’s too round 23. Also 8 rebounds, and 4 assists a game. We’ll win the Christmas tournament in over time and get to 11-1. The number 3 team in the state. They continue to rank our rival over us despite them having 2 losses. We drop another one, no, actually a two game losing streak, let’s make it realistic. Wait, it’s my dream, why do I have to make it realistic? We can win every game. Ok whatever 11-3. Then go on a 6 game win streak. No. 5 in the state and lose the last game of the season. Local newspaper questions “Local High School Falters, Can They Make a Run in the Tournament?” We entered the playoffs and we played at home. Packed crowd.

It’s all you can think of. Subsequently the dedication to improvement grows. A desire to be the best is fostered. The results of hard labor and sacrifice grow. What you envisioned starts to become reality. A distant off dream as a young middle schooler begins to look in reach. The best player on the 6th grade team, 7th grade, 8th grade. High school comes fast, but with excitement. With the new change there comes a shift from dreaming to presence. When you first arrive, and the dream sits in front of you, you lock in. It becomes a compulsive desire.

The goals lineup. Make the team, crack the starting lineup, play well. The season spirals on and there is no time to think. Knocking one down after the next. With the passing of each one you breathe for just a second, and then back to work.

The season finishes, and it didn’t go exactly as you planned it, but it was closer than you ever *actually* thought it could be. Now it’s done though, and whispers of a bigger stage further off in the distance creep in. That ultimate goal, of being in the shoes of your childhood hero, begins to look a little less blurry. The roadmap is there. The dreaming begins again.

This was my life. At each new step the dream shifted. You say to your friends “I’m going to be the next Tom Brady” but you never really believe it, or do you. For many the dream dies young. For most it’s in high school. A few get the chance to go play college ball at a lower level. A small few, get the opportunity to chase it a while longer. Those few, when they arrive at their new homes in the upper echelons of Division I athletics, their perspective is immediately changed.

You arrive on campus, young, naive, and hungry to prove you have what it takes. The balance of school and sport at this level is heavily tilted toward the latter. But as a freshman you first get orientated to academics. They walk you through picking classes, selecting a major, mapping out a 4 year academic roadmap. Get setup with tutors, and log on to canvas. It’s with this in mind that I asked a teammate late one night,

“What do you want to be?”

It was in the middle of throwing in the field house getting extra work in. He caught the ball and as he threw it back replied,

“What’ch you mean”

I clarified,

“Like what do you want to do for work when you graduate”

As he called for the ball with his hands, he said as clearly as possible,

“I’m here to go to the league”

I smiled,

“Haha, yea same.”

It made me think, is that really the reality now.

“If you aren’t trying to go to the league, why are you here?”

That’s when it all changed for me. There wasn’t a guy in this locker that plan A wasn’t going to the NFL, and for 90% of them there wasn’t a plan B.

As I continued through college, I carried that conversation with me, and I carried the expectation of going to the league as well. Every throw I made, every drill I ran, every huddle I entered, I did it with the expectation that at the end of college I was going to the league.

At the end of my junior year, I had an NFL agent reach out to me. That blurry, far-off, unserious dream, began to come into focus. After my senior year I signed with that agent and accepted invites to the East West Shrine All-Star game, and the NFL combine. I did my college pro day, and I waited to see where I would be headed. When the draft finished my agent’s phone began to ring, and I signed with the Jacksonville Jaguars.

There was a night of celebration and a second of soaking it in. But then, just like the shift from middle school to high school, the focus became on the present. The dream, the real dream, was now squarely in front of me. The goals were aligned.

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It’s now 4 years post, and my career sits as this…

1 full season on practice squad with the Jacksonville Jaguars

1 year partially on practice squad with the Jacksonville Jaguars

3 NFL camps -- 2 Jacksonville Jaguars, 1 Houston Texans

Half a year with the USFL Michigan Panthers

1 Full year with the UFL Michigan Panthers

1 Full year with the UFL Memphis Showboats

Half a year with the CFL Montreal Alouettes

I have been cut 7 times from the NFL. I have been traded once. I have been injured. I have traveled the country and out of the country for this game. I have chased the dream and continue to chase the dream.

This is life on the Fringe. Over the next 20 weeks, until my first camp in the CFL with the Montreal Alouettes begins, I will be taking you through what it is like being so close, yet so far from everything you ever dreamed of.

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